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Thursday, November 22, 2018

Midterms in hell!! How to be a committed and responsible person?

November 22, 2018 A little poetic touch , Creative writing 0 Comments

Why do we always fail at commitments?

Pen up, pen down.
Feeling myself,
looking like a clown.
Done nothing so far,
but never deserve a frown.
Com'on do it,
What are you waiting for?
Start now,
Got no time to ignore.
Stop feeling weak,
It ain't gonna get you to shore.
But I can't stop that bad feeling,
Motivation off, can't start dealing.




I hate the universe.

No, Actually the universe hates me, then I hated him back. Com'on!! don't look at me that way I am a sweet young lady with just a tiny issue.

RESPONSIBILITY

Ok, so it's not that tiny but com'on guys it's beyond me and I can't control it. Let's start from when it all begins.

Yesterday was my midterm test, so I should have studied the day before, but apparently the word "should" doesn't belong to my dictionary. I don't know what happened. I knew I had a test, that I must study, I knew this was important. I just lost motivation. I lied back for about 7 hours doing literally
NOTHING!!!.

I just couldn't make myself motivated enough to study, so right now writing this makes me wish that I am one of those kids who might just pee in their pants from fear of exams.

But I am not.

Before judging me I know, I know I am the one to blame. But I am not lazy nor a playful person or I wouldn't spend like an hour writing the article you currently reading but sometimes I feel like I lost the fire in me.
The one that keeps me forward, the boiling will that makes me want to go through fire.
The motivation.

The purpose to do something great.  Sometimes all I want is to eat and lie back and that sucks:(

But what's next? Is that how my life gonna end? Is that why I am here ? Cause now I am worthless. I am being controlled by fear and dispair.


I am filled with rubbish, complete utter bullsh**

A photo of black ink


Some people try to get my hopes up, others try to sugarcoat the truth, but believe it or not no one can help you but you.

But here I am writing all those amazing motivational words, while still lying on my back with zero regrets.


Yep I am like a messy incoherent ink line in a wide white sheet. 



And along the way, I would keep cussing and turning into a small ball of negativity and indifference.






So, What's next?
Nothing... Cause it's not gonna end.

We are not gonna stop being ugly, rubbish , incomplete and lazy.

We are not gonna stop blaming ourselves for every small ugly detail.

We are not gonna stop falling, failing and crawling.

But we are damn sure stop wishing for perfection.  



  This is who we are. We are meant be.  flawed. It's just being human.



And it's perfectly normal, cause you, my dear friend is perfect in an ugly imperfect way. With every little ugly detail, flaw, ignorence and incoherence come the bigger picture.


Romanesque Architecture :- Abbey Church of the Trinity (11th century) By Ali Khaled 

Look closely. Zoom in. What do you see? 

Anyway, it's past midnight now. So, I think a couple of hours of study is better than nothing at all, ha? 
Wish me luck, 

By the way I found that amazing piece of free hand sketch on Twitter by Ali Khaled you can find the tweet here. And I just couldn't stop thinking how much it is so perfect in an  imperfect way.


By Shahenda Mahmoud at No comments:
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Monday, November 12, 2018

Review on "November 9" by Colleen hoover

November 12, 2018 A little poetic touch , book review 7 Comments


Do you believe in a happy ending?

A happily ever after, love, soulmates and destiny sending the perfect one for you, like two innocent souls meant for each other.
Well, that book got me thinking? Does fate have a role in love? Are you destined to be in love with a specific person among 7 billion people on Earth?

So, what about " Wrong time. Wrong place"? Is it even real? Or everything really happens for a reason?


Hello, everyone. My name is Shahenda, and here's my book journey.

"Review on November 9 by Colleen Hoover "


  • Everything really happens for a reason, but it doesn't have to be as we hoped or wanted. Sometimes life makes no sense. Sometimes life acts weird.  


" But believe me, everything is for a reason."


  • We are ugly. As much as you think you are beautiful and kind, as much we feel victimised and broken. We are monsters. One way or another, we did something bad, broke someone's heart. Ignored a message, acted like you never cared. In a way, all of us made unbelievably sick and ugly mistakes. We are bad, the only thing that really matters is how much you are willing to forget and forgive.

                 To let go
      
  • Happy ever afters are real. But they are like Disney land. They are so damn hard to reach. 

  • Love is like a poem when you spend all your afternoon trying to figure the best words and the most poetic synonyms, you try so hard to get the perfect rhyme, Sometimes you get them, Sometimes you don't. Doesn't matter how much you tried to make it work.     


                  Love is poetic




November 9 quote



No, where to go, you can't escape fate.
Or fetch an escapade or run away from hate.
Vapours, fires and gases on every gate.
Eager to run but regret is never late.
My demons let me, hurt a saint.
Beauty in the fire, now broken in the shade.
Earth made me her easy bait
Running deathly in love, with the one I opted.                                  death to take.


Now shall I come, shall I stay hidden?
Inside my heart, lies the secret, Forbidden.
Now or never, babe. Can mercy be given?
Eager to wash my sins, finally to be forgiven.









By Shahenda Mahmoud at 7 comments:
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Thursday, November 1, 2018

A love story

November 01, 2018 A little poetic touch , Creative writing 0 Comments
Hello, Pilot. How are you?
Doing great, I bet. Me too.
It's funny how life made us go through.
Running hard, nowhere to go.

Did you believe or even felt.
A pull, a latch or a longing that melts,
Your heart to pieces, then finally to an end.
I know you're in pain, so don't pretend.

I bet you don't 
I bet you do.
How far can a bet
make me hate you?
Who am I to hate 
When I am you?

I am your day and month as well.
I am your bad decisions and the same fell.
I am your love and your damn hell.
I am once loved, now, I can't tell.

Am I just easy, am I dumb? 
My decisions are bad, but I can't stop.
Can't hate people, and you are the top
Even after all those insults, you drop.
I still believe you the best cop.

No, not a cop.
A captain

A sad girl in a subway station






By Shahenda Mahmoud at No comments:
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Saturday, October 20, 2018

All the little lights

October 20, 2018 A little poetic touch , book review 12 Comments

Flash in my eyes, forcing me to       
smile.
 Heaviness in my heart lasts for over a 
 mile.
Got nothing in here but a long useless
 pile.
Of damaged souls, all together in one body. 
Mine.



No, not mine, but it always felt this 
way.
keeping a secret, it's ugliness made me stay.
Wanna run away with him, through a light ray.
How much more darkness can I keep at bay?

But here it comes, the hard equation.
How can I solve it, when love is the relation.
His lovely face could sacrifice what no nation,
Could sacrifice for millions, not just me. A patient.



A patient with emotional abuse.


Hello again everyone, hope you liked my poem. Sorry, for making it so cryptic. Com'on guys don't look at me that way. I know you loved it😂😎, the harder it looks...the easier for you to get the true meaning of the book.

Cause books are Journeys and here's mine...


This is my review on " All the little lights " by Jamie Mcguire.


Or I would rather say, Journey. An emotional one.

- It's so hard to not know what to do. You spend your days trying to be good and happy.

But that's the sneaky part. You can't be good and happy at the same time.


" You keep asking your self. Why? Why you have to suffer. Why can't you be happy and at the same time do the right thing? " 

Guess life is one hell of an equation and I am terrible at Maths.


The book is filled with ups and downs, a lot of ups actually. This sweet love story. It was so sweet that sometimes it didn't even seem true. But love here wasn't the problem or I would rather say Catherine's and Elliot's love wasn't the issue.


Love as it should be. From All the little lights book by Jamie Mcguire


  - Let me ask you something.

Have you ever felt angry towards someone (I bet you have)? What if that one is a beloved one? Like a friend, best friend, boyfriend, a family member.
A mother.


You are so angry and frustrated at that person (let's call him A), you kinda hate A for his actions,  but at the same time, you love him. You can't imagine a life without him, you start to think that your responsibility to make things right. To make A right.


But A never changes. In fact, A knows quite well how much anger and despaired you feel. A knows how much you love him, so he keeps doing what he does. And you keep feeling Angry.
Then bad at yourself for being angry.
Then despaired.

That's called abuse.
Emotional abuse.

" Those people are raping you of your own right to feel angry, to make a change, to get over them. "

 They are abusing you and they know damn well, that you love them.
So, you won't move on.
You won't leave them.


Cause if you did you will look like the devil who has been overrating and angry for nothing.
And they will be the perfect victim.


That's not all about the book.
The book is filled with love and sweetness, it might melt you.




But this is what really got me, what made this book worth reading.

Ooh, and the ending will be quite a surprise😎😉.

Thank you for reading, I know this is not your typical book review, but I am not a typical girl either.

Until the next book,




By Shahenda Mahmoud at 12 comments:
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Friday, October 12, 2018

Review on " Gone girl " by Gillinn Flinn

October 12, 2018 A little poetic touch , book review 18 Comments
Going to love you, unconditionally.
Only you will break me, fully.
No one could or thought it might be me.
Eager to cope or adapt to their reality.

Game is on, step up, lover.
I'm not a player, I'm the one who gathers.
Reigns in hand, precautions for any other.
Low death traps, I know you like a mother. 



Long blond hair, much to die for.
Only one woman, who got me to shore.
Soon enough I saw her close the door.
Too big of a smile.Is it good? I wasn't sure.

Boy, it's hard to live like a man.
Or play a game with a devil without a plan.
Yet I am gonna play as long as I can.


 Born as a male but live like a man




Here I am reviewing a new book or rather describing a life journey and this book (  I mean Journey)  is something else.

Something weird, anticipating, heartbreaking, raging and admirable.

Something feminine. 
Let me tell you about my Journey in points.




  1. you can't know it's fire without seeing the ash.

You can't make people do something awful. But you can persuade them that the only way out is by making a much more awful thing.
And she's a genius in persuasion. 
She amazes people, compels them, makes them want to be with her. 



MEN WANT HER AND WOMEN WANT TO BE HER


Then she studies them, analysis their brains. Know their weakness.
They become her homework. And she's the perfect student.

 SHE WROTE THEIR FATE FOR THEM, BUT THEY  DUMBFOUNDLY CHOSE TO LIVE IT, ANYWAY. 



       2. The brain is a powerful weapon, so is love.
But how much power you can get from a romantic love and a wicked brain mixed together. 

       3. People's perspectives are always tricky, especially if it was a woman.
Cause women tend to be sensitive to feel and interact, persuading as well. 
They act upon their emotions and that's dangerous. .. frighteningly dangerous.




      4. Manipulative woman with so many different personalities and a complete utter control over her emotions = The devil himself.




      5. I used to think that anger makes you stupid. It makes you do the dumbest actions ever.
Well, not any more.
Cause anger makes you powerful. It gives you motive. A dark venous one to destroy and conquer. It opens up a door for an idea, a virus spread without stopping.

Now when you mix anger with persistence with hurt with a will stronger than titanium you get 

                    Amy.




 WELL DONE, B****. THE DEVIL IS SO PROUD


Cause Amy always wins.
She's manipulative.
She's a con artist
She has a thousand years patience.
She never forgets nor forgives.

But most of all...she found the perfect victim.



What makes you the perfect victim?

**Just being a good decent man.



And, what made Amy a so powerful woman?
A)Her patience.
B)Her interface
C)her wicked mind 
D) her ugly monstrous soul
E) All of the above.
F) None of the above.

I know you will choose E, but I am sorry to tell you it's F.



You may be patient, evil, intelligent and ugly from the inside but without the right control, you won't succeed. 



The thing here is not how she did it, but how she was able to get away with it.
By control...emotional stability. 
Amy had the ability to control, keep and preserve a certain feeling for long periods of time. She spent 12 months planning. 



These type of actions require a huge amount of motivation.
Like when you are so hungry you are pushed and motivated to cook for yourself.
When you feel sad about your grades, you are pushed and motivated to study more.

You may be a genius to make the perfect plan. But you have to be in control to make it achievable



Motivations need feelings to trigger them.
But feelings don't stick long. With Amy they did.


Just finishing one of the most Compelling, weird and extremely amazing books


So, I am sorry for being a little Harsh😂😂. But I am not just reading books I am experiencing a life Journey and this one was..... don't know, I will let you decide. 

Huge thanks for Gillian Flinn for making such a masterpiece. 
Huge thanks for anyone who might by complete coincidence read my review and think that I write ok.😍


This is my Review of the Month for the review collection on LovelyAudiobooks.info


By Shahenda Mahmoud at 18 comments:
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Sunday, September 30, 2018

Review on " into the water " by Paula Hawkins

September 30, 2018 A little poetic touch , book review 16 Comments
I read a book called " into the water" and this isn't a book review. It's me after reading the novel.

I believe that human beings are the most affected creatures on Earth, that's what we do the most.
We affect and get affected.
We do damage and get damaged in return.
And this is me after reading "into the water" by Paula Hawkins. 



  • A bad man can do good things.
      A good man can do  bad things.
 So, how can you really define who is a.        good man any more?
 Is it by how many bad things he did? How many good things? 




  Or is it about the end game only?  Like if the last thing you did on earth was good, that makes you a good person?



  • Can you forgive??
      I believe that to forgive, you have to     forget. You won't be able to forgive who hurt you until you forget the pain and you wont be able to forget the pain with a raging fire still burn up i side your heart.
I have always wonder if I didn't forgive, that makes me a bad person? A less kind one?
 If I was hurt so bad? Does that give me   a? reason to avenge? 
It seems like the normal thing, making us even..or not?


This book was narrated by 9 different characters. But the good part isn't about the plot. The good part isn't about the mystery thriller story.

It's about the description. Every chapter from every point of view didn't state the events as they are. The stated much bigger than that. They stated the feelings. And that makes me ask myself a question? 

What if what feels so right ends up so wrong? What if our good intentions and beliefs end up to be a catastrophic act? Can we blame ourselves for doing what feels right? Even if it's not?

Here are our narrators😍
Josh
Louis
Lena
Jules
Erin
Nikki
Patrick
Mark
Helen
Sean


Joy, A word never felt in months.
Only despair bigger as France.
Secrets can make damage as guns.
How to spell them, when all lost at once.


Joy isn't what I felt in here.
U think sisters are close, but so can fear.
Love used to be, all I can feel. 
Eager to run, but her death was near.
She saw me hurt but never shed a tear


Longing for a hug, I would never get.
Outside this world, her soul went.
Utter sadness slowly bent,
It's dark fingers around a heart that's dead.
Sorry,my daughter,I failed you in the end. 
Earned my life, and for you, I am gonna send.





Long lost dead Mother.
Earned a death, like no other.
Needless to say, her death was another.
Arow in my heart, thick as leather.


Passion was why I did my sin.
Anger was just a catalyst back then.
TaKen back to that day, I grin.
Reading her eyes,she was valuable as a pin
Its a shame, she ended like a rubbish bin.
Can't bring her back, to deny the sin
Knowing her death, the worse will begin


She left me alone, sad forever
Earned love, why did U leave off,Mother?
And here I am, A good man who gathers,
Now the truth and no other.


Have I done something wrong?
Egoness is what I have seen for so long.
Left me for another woman to belong.
Easy, husband. I knew all along.
Never been a chump, I am always a King Kong. 


Mad in love with just a child
Am I darkness or am I light?
Run like a monster at midnight. 
Kneeling in front of her death's sight.


Quick tip: check the first letter of every first word. From top to bottom😎😉


Pic via Unsplash 

By Shahenda Mahmoud at 16 comments:
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Monday, September 17, 2018

To all the boys I have loved before by Jenny Han

September 17, 2018 A little poetic touch , book review 12 Comments
The letters sprinkled in front of me.
One after one sat me free.


Always thought, he's gonna be.
Love of my life, long-lasting glee.
Lara Jean, short Asian kid.

The one who loves, the baby who sheds.
Huge amounts of ugly tears.
Each day, she fell more and more.

Boy after boy, she loves for sure.
Old mama's box is her well and core.
Yet, it ain't enough, to close the door.
So all the letters got out of hand.

It has to be a secret, she can't understand.

Has he known? I can't stand.
A  forbidden love, I know, I am damned.
Valued enough, he was a former lover.
Enough of this shit, she can't lose a brother.


Lying is the only way she would gather.
Old secrets again, away forever.
Very large ego, but larger eyes.
Emerald beauty sharper than knives.
Daring you to play his game of dice.


But a lie could bring a playboyto his knees.
Eager to make a show, An Ex to tease.
For a just a lie, it ends with no ease.
Or a short Asian is funnier than most.
Ruling the kitchen and I am lost.
Echo of love, through me, crossed.






I know, I know. My reviews are weird, but who says I am the wise one either😎😎😉


I AM A GOOFY LUNATIC AND A BOOKGEEK AS HELL😎😎😎😎

Hope you like it😍😍

To all the boys I've loved before by Jenny Han


By Shahenda Mahmoud at 12 comments:
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